Tag Archives: internet

Set me free…


What do you know, I have an addiction. And it’s called the Internet. It’s kind of strange, because I have never had an addiction before. Now I can truly understand the mixture of pleasure and disgust addicts are talking about. I realize it’s stupid and consuming, and yet I indulge in it, allowing myself to be lured and devoured. Is there an Internauts Anonymous out there anywhere?

How did I realize I have it? Recently, we moved to a new apartment and didn’t have an Internet connection for about a week. Guess what? I actually had a life for a few days. I was among people. I got to know the kids from across the street and the story of the old lady with a dog who used to live here. I rode the tram in every possible direction. I visited the local library and got a subscription. I watched documentaries about wild animals and gardens in Tuscany. I ate really well and slept even better. I told stories and called my friends. I didn’t have any strained muscles although I worked like an ox moving furniture around. I didn’t need my eye drops because my eyes weren’t sore anymore. I had a snowball fight. I was happy.

But that all ended yesterday, when we got connected. Now it’s midnight and I am obsessing about some website again… 🙂




If you are reading this, I have a question for you: Why are you online? What do you hope to find here? Do you feel alive? What are we all doing here? What are we searching for? Entertainment, knowledge, inspiration, communication? Is it not becoming a terrible waste of time? And time, after all, is all we have. Time is the currency of our souls. And too often we are wasting it in petty gossip and mediocre readings and bored voyeurism on the Web. The amount of information one has to sift through to get to a gem is simply crushing. Besides, text alone isn’t communication. Yes, words can move people. But all too often text without voice, text without gestures, text without human touch is misleading or misunderstood. Are we not deluding ourselves that being active online will fill up the void?

Wonderful insight by Thoreau in his famed “Walden”: “The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call LIFE which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.”

We were not born for surrogates. We were born for infinity. Instead of popping pills – succumb to the ecstasy of prayer. Prayer is the connection to the home before the womb. Some of us travel the world. And some of us travel the worlds. Transcend. What is the purpose of life? The purpose of life is to become complete, to attain bliss. To love, to grow wiser and in the end, to be united with God. Therein lies true happiness. The purpose of life is the breath-taking and often cruel beauty of the truth, and the inexplicable truth of genuine beauty. Or, as Panait Istrati puts it, first the sun, and then the food, the clothes and the work at the plant.

I think we have taken to worshiping our own selves. There is a god for every man and woman – that whom we see every day in the mirror. Me Almighty. Alas, he’s only a creature and not the Creator. This god cannot lend life a meaning. It runs around in circles and then it decays – that is all. And we think ourselves free only because we always give in at the get-go and never put up a fight. But the truth is, the things we cannot resist are much more powerful than us, because of it. They rule us, they consume us, and we are the ones who end up ground to ashes. Not the other way around. Another great illusion shattered. This “god” is fake. In being so hung up on our objects, weaknesses and failures, we are worshiping the carcasses of dreams instead of the living truth.

Grow a tomato plant, bake a loaf of bread, hold your children and tell them a long story, caress your lover’s hair, walk slowly, protect the silence. Are you in touch with the macrocosm? If that star were to shine in your sky tonight, would the Son of God find a decent enough place to be born inside you?… It doesn’t have to be rich (for He will make it so afterwards). Is it clean and warm? At the end of the day, when all the nice homes are locked and bolted, He will settle for the one humble stable that keeps an open door.

And all of us control freaks, engineers of our own demise, will stare out into darkness, lonely and clueless, because we wanted to be “free”.